When people ask how did you change your life, how did you get where you are right now.. my answer is always the same: I did and am doing the work. Do the work doesn’t mean post a lot of positive quotes that sound good but behind close doors I am far from that. Do the work means sitting with yourself in silence and dumping out ALL that you are on the floor, so to speak and coming face to face with that. Doing the work means, on your darkest days, when you feel like your bleeding from the inside out, you don’t grab a bottle, or take a drug, you sit with the pain. You let it cut, ooze, bleed. You let the tears flow, you clench your chest, you cry your eyes out and pray to find the strength. You feel every minute, every ounce of that pain and you let it flow through you. Until finally your not bleeding out, now it’s just wound, one of many, that will heal just like the others.
Doing the work means learning to be ok with being alone. It means being able to stay single when you are broken yourself because it would be unfair to expect someone else to fix you. It means not jumping from relationship to relationship because your too scared to be alone. It means realizing if you are doing this, that you’re too scared to be alone with you, to face you, to look in the god damn mirror and see you for what you are. It means not losing yourself in someone else to avoid the reality of the life you have created. Doing the work means that hiding in someone else is not only unfair but disrespectful. Playing with someone else’s heart when your’s is incomplete and broken is one of the most selfish acts one human can commit to a another.
Doing the work means writing down your thoughts, it means sitting in silence and listening to what your gut, the universe is telling you. It means to discard anything that no longer serves you in a positive way. Friendships, lovers, jobs, partners, family members, addictions, faults anything that weighs you down and keeps you in that darkness. Doing the work means when you are on your knees, broken feeling like the darkness is all you can see around you, that you learn to ask for help, for that hand that will help you stand when you know you do not have the strength to do it yourself. Doing the work means that although with every fiber in your being, and every bone in your body, with every breath you just want to give up, that the pain has become so excruciating that you would rather succumb to it then fight it anymore, that in the midst of the storm you find that dim light that still shines within you. For a moment you catch a glimpse of it and among all this turmoil you remember who you are. Doing the work means reminding yourself in any way, shape, or form, of who you are. It is feeding that small spark that is like beacon in all the darkness and the pain that will lead you out of the darkness and back into the light. Doing the work is doing WHATEVER it takes to make that flame grow and with each passing day, the tears will lessen, the pain will start to subside and the darkness will start to turn to light.
Doing the work is looking in the mirror and being completely honest with YOURSELF, no more lies, no more excuses, no more drama, no more holding yourself down. It is hard, and on days you forget why you are doing the work that is taking so much out of you but then you realize that as you do the work, your life begins to change. Amazing and beautiful things start to take over and the clouds start to dissipate.
Doing the work is learning to really love you, to take care of you and to be good to you. Only then are you really good for anyone else. Until one day when you look in that mirror again the relfection this time is different. Yes there still may be tears but this time they are tears of joy. You have battle wounds, you have scars and you have overcome it all. You have grown and you can look at yourself and really say I love you. You realize just how strong, amazing, and able you are. You realize you will not ever let anyone love you or treat you any less than you love yourself. You will find that you will grow into the human being you are mean’t to be on this earth, for really isn’t that the whole point of being here? To grow, to change and to learn…. anyone can do this. We all have the same opportunity, but you have to be willing to do that work and know that it’s not going to be easy but dammit it will be so beyond worth it!!! I promise you if you do the work, you life will be beyond anything you could even have thought up yourself… so have faith and just do the work.